The boy was going away for five months.
I knew this trip was going to happen, he had been planning it for a while. I actually even helped him choose his courses and look for accommodation. I feel like a fool for doing that now. What came from this San Diego experience still torments me and is something which will take a long time to process and get over, but I’m beginning to accept it. It happened. I can’t go back and change things, and that’s that.
I chose to believe that things wouldn’t change between us; that he would respect me and I could trust him whilst he was away, but actually he had no intention of doing that; in the end, the very opposite became my reality. There were other girls, lots of other girls, cheating, some serious disrespect, lying to both myself and lying to others about my existence, no communication, and some really fucked up photos of him licking (among other acts) other girls whilst on Spring Break in Mexico.
Needless to say, I was angry. Oh so very angry. I cried myself to sleep many nights, especially when I couldn’t get hold of him, and when I couldn’t sleep I took on a bad habit of taking 20+ sleeping pills (nightly) just to feel some numbness. I also became very ill; a bad chest infection. I didn’t know about the mental issues back then; I assumed I was being dramatic. HAH!
The medication I was given to cope with this chest infection gave me some odd hallucinations and also lead to me having NO appetite. This kick started a crash diet, where I basically had one or two bowls of Kellogg’s K cereals a day, and a sausage roll here and there. I also somehow managed to exercise every day. I ended up losing A LOT of weight. I looked fabulous, or so I thought. I even lost my bum, which for those who know my ass, is kind of an achievement. I started wearing tighter and shorter dresses and getting really really drunk, regularly.
After the photos of my boyfriend licking and rubbing himself all over other girls hit Facebook and my eyes, something shifted in me. I went from being very defensive and rude to guys, to wanting to jump into bed with the next guy that showed interest in me.