First of all, I just want to remind you that this blog belongs to me. And the wonderful thing about it, is that I can express my views, beliefs and feelings however I please, because it is MY blog. Ok, now that that’s covered, we can move on…
I posted a little something on Instagram this week, about my feelings on Trump winning this election. I’ve also been sharing others’ posts on Twitter and Facebook, not only about this diabolical man, but about Brexit too.
What the fuck is going on?! Why are we moving backwards instead of forward?
The only thing that keeps me from losing hope in humanity is the amazing people I have in my life; old friends, new friends, family (the good apples). And smart & inspiring professionals who do their best to help (especially my magical therapist). Having found strong role models is helpful too. I’ve “surrounded” myself with inspiring women such as Chelsea Handler, Amy Schumer, Gloria Steinem, Laura Jane Williams, Jenny Mollen…the list goes on. When I say “surrounded”, I mean I’ve bought their books, I watch their shows, I soak in their words as often as possible! They’re everywhere I look; I’ve made sure of that.
I’m disgusted and petrified by the fact that a strong and extremely capable woman lost to a man who ran on a platform of straight up racism and sexism. There are no tears left in me, to express how saddened I feel that this vile person that is Donald Trump, with no respect or experience, just got voted to lead a country!
Now, I’m desperately trying to get my mind off Brexit, and Donald Trump, and all the other fucked up shit going on in the world! I’m trying hard to stop the words “grab ‘em by the pussy” (as someone who has been a victim of sexual abuse, this is fucking nauseating!) from replaying over & over in my head, because I need for it to stop now, for my own sanity (or what’s left of it).
I known that this is a particularly tough time for many people too, and I know that my fellow invisible illness warriors will be struggling massively with all this madness.
So. I’m going to try and focus on the positive, with the hope that soon I’ll feel strong enough to face the full reality of the world again. This attitude came as a result of an article a lovely friend shared with me this week, and is also a little to do with a brilliant hashtag that was trending on Twitter recently; the hashtag was #ThisYearImThankfulFor.
In this article, the author listed all the positive and amazing things that have happened in 2016. And on Twitter, people shared short tweets of hope and incredible things they are thankful for. I loved it! Reading and being reminded of lovely things gave me a few minutes of calm during a fucked-up time (even more fucked up than usual – and that’s saying something!)
Here I am now, putting together & sharing my own list of positive happenings in my life this year. Oh, and I’m going to go a step further and ask you to join me too; this is a difficult time for many of us and I think this short activity could help a little. So, please (if you can) try putting together your own list of all the positive things that have happened to you this year. It doesn’t matter how short or long it is, I’m just hoping it will get us thinking of good things too, in such a dark time.
Don’t get me wrong though, I’m still wallowing but I’m just trying to bag myself a few minutes of breathing space. Huzzah!
This Year I’m Thankful For:
- My support unit; family, old friends, new friends – I wouldn’t be here without my tribe
- FINALLY finding a good therapist
- FINALLY bagging myself a friendly GP too
- Setting healthy & honest values and boundaries
- Learning to be open & honest
- Setting off on my self-discovery journey
- Figuring out how to do the self-care thing
- The honest relationship my mum & I are building
- Walking away from a (decade long) toxic relationship
- Getting 10kg closer to my usual, healthy, weight
- Meeting beautiful, amazing, inspiring, like-minded people
- Getting closure on an old relationship (Hi there Mr M)
- Seeing Mr M and getting to catch up face-to-face
- Setting up and launching my blog! (Woop woop)
- Decorating my room and creating my hippie den
- Uh, the last X-Men movie. Obvs!
- Watching “The Girl on the Train” – as difficult and painful as this was, it’s a brilliant film and it’s helped me become more aware of my own experiences (more on this in my next post)
- Finding Chelsea Handler
- “Getting to know” Amy Schumer – what I mean by this is that I read her book and oh my Buddha, we have so much in common, thus I now love her
- Finding Laura Jane Williams and her amazing blog: www.superlativelyrude.com
- Cos – just for being him
- Dominique – I mean this in every way possible; I’m thankful for coming across her page, talking to her, having this amazing support, and MEETING her, and now calling her a lifelong friend
- My girls – my sistas from another mistah!
- Feeling hopeful again, in terms of my mental illness recovery (I’m not hopeful ALL of the time, but that feeling creeps in now, whereas it was non-existent in my life before 2016)
- Making progress (albeit slow, but it’s still progress) in my recovery journey
- Learning more about BPD from an actual professional who gets it!
- No longer taking Pregabalin (strong, messy medication that I took for over a year. bleurgh)
- Finding Quetiapine (an anti-psychotic that’s helped me a lot!)
- Sia’s new album; This is Acting
- Beyonce’s new album; Lemonade – As someone who recently left a toxic relationship, Bey’s words really touched me and gave me some strength
- Setting off on my spiritual journey
- Getting really into poetry – especially Rupi Kaur and Nayyirah Waheed, oh how precious these women’s words are!
- Being granted disability allowance, which means I can finally let myself be ill, pay for long term treatments and do that writing course I’ve been dreaming of!
- Jeremy Corbyn – because he gives me hope
- Finally falling in love with myself (it’s early days but I’m getting there) and the power of women – each day I fall more and more in love with the amazingness that is a woman. Especially an honest, kind, caring, smart, strong, ballsy woman 😉 Is there anything better? No, there isn’t (No buts!) (I’m also writing a post about this soon – simply because women are AMAZING!)
- Finding truly inspiring role models
- My brother achieving so much this year, as well as finally painting his room (it was a dark angry red, it’s now a soothing blue, which is much better for mental health) and seeking help
- Finding the courage to own and share my story
- Setting healthy & honest values and boundaries
- Finding the guts to cut and dye my hair whatever effing colour I want! (so far I’ve gone through red, pink, turquoise and purple…can’t wait to see what new colours the new year will bring)
- Getting my nose pierced (something which I’ve wanted to do for a gazillion years)
- Finding a tattoo design that truly means a lot to me
- My new-found love for London
- Bruce Springsteeth (also known as the cat that was abandoned and recently found our family. Bruce & I have so much in common, he’s been a great addition to my confuzzled life)
- Becoming less self-destructive
- Becoming more aware
- Warm bed, warm water, chocolate and sweets
- Christmas – I know it’s not here yet, but, a couple of years ago I spent a very lonely & painful Christmas in Australia, now I’m EXTREMELY GRATEFUL for any Christmas I get to spend at home with my mum and brother, and in lovely Christmassy London!
- My Buddhism journey
- Being committed to myself and my needs!
- My first Full Moon ritual
I would also like to ask that nobody send me any bad, sad, cruel, mean, horrible, hurtful, shit/news/information/whatever, for a while. I’m struggling, and being sensitive as well as emotionally unstable, means that I need to focus on self-care urgently.
Actually, I would like to leave you with some big badass advice – Always remember: SELF-CARE COMES FIRST!
Thanking you muchly xoxo